Hi - reading this made me feel you are getting a little worked up. I may be wrong. But, if so, relax. You WILL get this under control. Believe me, you will look back at this time and think, "Gee, it was fun trying to diagnose the right balance" when your tank is running smoothly.I have absolutely nothing to compare to for gauging intensity or PAR value, I am flying completely blind when it comes to intensity.
Do you have access to a PAR meter? There are clubs that rent them out and even online companies that will rent them out for you to try. It's very handy to know the PAR levels you have as you are deducing.
Although difficult, what you are faced with are three knobs. One is called lights, another fertilizer and another CO2. We just need to turn them slowly until we find the right combination for your aquarium. However, to do so, we need some data. Observational is good but sometimes real data is better such as PAR.
